He's gone now

My twins' dad is dead. He died in April of this year from Meningitis and a massive CVA. He was on a ventilator for days and I finally decided with his family to stop all care. He passed in front of me within minutes.

He was a great dad to our twins and a decent step dad to my older two boys. He did have a mean-streak and was not scared to use it on me. Yelling, belittling, threats, not letting me see my friends, controlling and physically agressive at times. I don't think I will ever be able to tell the twins how their father hurt me so bad.

We broke up a few years ago, essentially I kicked him out of the house. I couldn't take the stress and anger from him anymore.

Our daughter was attacked by a dog and had her face grossly disfigured. He was by her side in the ER and right after surgery. He was instrumental in her healing afterwards, doting on her and taking care of her wounds when she would stay with him. He is missed by her and the rest of the kids greatly.

But for me?

I'm not sure if I miss him or not. We did have good times together but they were more than 8 years ago, I can hardly remember them now. Funny how your mind will play tricks on you.

All I want now is for our family to stick together and for my husband now to be there for us when we need him. Me and my kids have been through so much this last year. It's incredible any of us can function. My kids are doing well in school and socialize with their friends like nothing happened.

But when all alone in the house with my husband and I their anger and depression let loose. They fight amongst themselves, they argue with us about doing small chores or their misbehavior. I know most kids do this anyway however mine do it to such a degree that is breaks my heart to see them suffer.

So there is medication and therapy for my kids. We'll make it through these trying times and become better people because of it.